I’m lying in bed, letting the morning laze by
And the mourning is lazy now too
I haven’t been crying,
And not really sad
But I am still thinking about you

What does it mean
That I’m not tied up in pain
That I walk through the day relatively fine?
I’d like to think I’m not denying,
I’m just not heavily sighing
I’m being real so there’s no cause to whine

‘Course I’m in the midst of my prep
For the High Holy Days
Trying to be proactive and not overwhelmed til I scream
So I’m editing my sermons
And maintaining a laser sharp focus
On these approaching Yamim Noraim

Is it terrible then
That sometimes I forget
Or that I have long periods that I’m not lost in my loss?
I like the idea that I’m real
That I’m in touch with how I feel
That my mourning has not become my boss

Breathe out and breathe in
Garbled emotions ain’t no sin
Nor is an emotional holding pattern like right now
I’ll stay alert, ride each wave
For to this mourning I’m still enslaved
I’ll take it as it comes, and be open. Somehow.

 

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Explore more poetry about mourning Papa (my dad, Ken Kipnes).

Watch my videos about mourning

Enjoy more of my spoken word poetry