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Shloshim’s Theological Wanderings (or) Asking the Questions I’m Not Ready to Ask

Are you really gone?
I ask his picture
And where did you go?
That’s a question for Scripture
And why are you gone?
Hmm, that one’s the clincher

I know you are gone
And we’re left behind
Though its painful and sad
To this truth I’m resigned
But this reality leaves me
In a theological bind
As I try to reconcile
My heart and my mind

Yes I love talking God
To divine what is true
Yet I’m not seeking answers
I’ve read so many, there’s nothing new
But I ask, then I don’t
Lest my reticence is misconstrued
But I’m not really ready
To ponder about YOU

Of course I wonder where you went
(I know that here, you are not)
Yet right at this moment
There’s little comfort to be wrought
From rushing into theology
That’s what I teach and have been taught
But those questions keep coming
And here’s the upshot:

Are you at peace?
Is there no pain?
Does that painless existence
Feel much the same?

Are you aware of us now?
Do you know we miss you?
That though we are sad
We are trying to push through?

Are you back to yourself?
(Well, without a body, of course)
Are you nowhere to be found?
Or are you back with the Source?

There are very few answers
And that is the stinker
And since my heart still hurts
I’m not ready to tinker
So I feel like a child
Not a theological thinker
And at the moment would prefer
To be a Cabernet Sauvignon drinker.




**Shloshim refers to the 30 days after the funeral when a mourner slowly expands the place within the community

Enjoy more poetry about mourning Papa (my dad, Ken Kipnes).

Watch my videos about mourning

Enjoy more of my spoken word poetry


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