by Rabbi Yael Buechler
Reposted from Ritualwell
I took care of myself, God.
I made sure to eat right, and tried to do a few less dishes.
I told the doctors about all of my aches and pains, just to be sure.
Just to be sure that the baby was okay.
Everything was fine if the baby was fine.
I was getting closer to my baby.
She and I would do lots of things together.
And sometimes she’d even try to get my attention while I was working!
That way, I knew the baby was fine.
And now this.
Now things aren’t fine.
Haven’t I suffered enough loss?
Why did this happen to me?
Why did this happen to us?
She was so beautiful, God.
She was so dear.
She was ours.
I got to hold her.
And now I have to let go.
I was supposed to give thanks at this time.
But I feel empty inside.
Give me the space I need to mourn this loss.
A loss that is so hard to explain, so hard to comprehend.
Give my body time to rest, God.
Let my body begin to heal, as it has undergone such trauma.
Allow me to take the time I need to regain my energy.
Give ___ and I the strength we need to get through this.
Continue to allow my ___ to be there for me, as ___has/ve always been.
When I am ready, let my friends bring me comfort.
So I can smile once again.
I did everything I could, God.
I was a good carrier!
Life was granted inside of me, and now it has been removed.
While there is no official ritual, or shiva,
Please provide ___ and I with love and comfort as we face this reality.
Protect us as we grapple with this loss.
Support us as we continue to look toward building a family.
Barukh Atah Adoshem, Rofeh Cholim.
Blessed are You, God, who heals.