Climbing the Ladder to Self-Acceptance: Fulfilling a Childhood Dream on My 61st Birthday

When I was in elementary school, my mom took me to visit a fire station. I cannot remember if it was a family outing, a school trip or maybe with the Cub Scouts, but I do remember being completely captivated by the massive fire trucks. They were larger than life, gleaming red giants that sparked both awe and curiosity in my young heart.

At one point, a firefighter leading the tour asked if I wanted to climb up and sit on one of the trucks. Of course, I wanted to! But back then, I was too shy and deeply self-conscious. Even with my mom gently encouraging me, I shook my head and declined. I just could not muster the courage to put myself out there.

That moment, my shyness and self-doubt keeping me from something I genuinely wanted to do, has lingered with me for years. It is a dynamic that repeated itself in different ways throughout my life, holding me back from fully embracing experiences or trying new things.

But time has a way of teaching us what we need to learn. After plenty of therapy and a milestone birthday last year, my 60th, I have finally reached a place of deeper self-acceptance. 

My new motto, proudly adopted, is D-GAS: Don’t Give A Sh*t. I no longer get caught up in how I think others see me or the outdated ways I used to see myself. Letting go of that weight has been freeing, and it’s allowed me to reclaim parts of myself I had tucked away.

So on my 61st birthday, I decided to honor that little boy who stood at the edge of possibility all those years ago. I drove down to Tarzana Fire Station 93 and asked if I could climb up and sit on one of their fire trucks. And this time, I did not hesitate. As I climbed into the captain’s seat, I felt the joy of that young boy who finally got his moment and the contentment of the man I’ve grown to be.

Sitting there, I smiled the biggest smile, not just for the little boy I had been, but for the journey that has brought me to this place of peace. Sometimes, it takes a lifetime to learn how to fully show up for ourselves. And when we do, the view from the top, whether it’s a fire truck or just the ladder of self-acceptance, is absolutely worth it.