6 Strategies to Pre-Address the December Dilemma Difficulties Well Before December

December, the “happiest time of year.”  Enjoy Chanukah. Celebrate Christmas or Kwanza with friends. Joyous music. Dancing Chanukiah candles and simmering potato latkes. Bright lights. It is a joyous time of year.

Except for two groups: and .  The former (with whom I identify every few years) get freaked out by what feels to them like the oppressive Christian joyousness of the holiday season.  The latter are again forced to address the potentially painful reality that the holiday with its family gatherings, cherished memories and vague theologies open up differences (sometimes chasms) between what each partner holds dear. 

At Congregation Or Ami we long ago concluded that December is probably the most difficult time to try to address these issues.  Rather the real work must occur year round.  We strive to be welcoming and work hard to develop non-judgmental relationships with interfaith couples/families and especially with the non-Jewish spouses, so that when the issues arise, they know that the rabbi, cantor and educator offer non-judgmental support to face and address the challenges.

Thus our strategy is to trumpet loudly and repeatedly how welcoming we try to be to interfaith couples and families.

6 Strategies to Pre-Address the December Dilemma Difficulties

1. A Belin-award winning Interfaith Couples/Families Webpage, which makes it clear that “no one is more welcome at Or Ami than you”, addresses many of the issues interfaith families face, while providing them an invitation and direct email link to talk to the rabbi about their questions and concerns.

2. On Yom Kippur every few years during adult and family services, we invite all non-Jewish spouses, partners, and significant others to the bimah to receive our appreciation and a blessing from thecongregation for the beyond-thanks gifts they give by connecting with our congregation and, for those with children, for raising their children as Jews. 

3. The adult learning program allows people to explore the similarities and differences between Judaism, Christianity and Islam, to learn in a URJ Introduction to Judaism class about the basics of Judaism.  

4. At each service, particularly at our B’nai Mitzvah service, we recognize that in our midst are Jews, Christians, perhaps Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, and others, as well as all kinds of Jews.  We introduce them to our prayerbook, Mishkan Tefilah, as a “Tent of Prayer” which makes it possible for such a diverse group together for a spiritual, meaningful experience.  We then quickly offer a verbal roadmap through the double page spread. 

5. I remind interfaith couples and families that they should visit their non-Jewish parents during the December holiday season, even being there on Christmas eve or day to celebrate their parents’ holiday of Christmas. 

6. We talk about Jews and Jewish families when referring to our congregants and when talking about “what we do.”

The above strategies do not obviate the need to address directly issues of the December dilemma.  But they do ensure that those struggling recognize that they are part of a welcoming, non-judgmental congregation. Perhaps they will thus be more likely to turn to their rabbis, cantor and educator when and if they struggle to address the challenges posed by this “joyous season.” 

Need help figuring out how to better publicize the openness of your congregation to interfaith couples and families?  Check out the Union for Reform Judaism's Supporting Interfaith webpage in their Outreach initiative.