Seeing Daddy in the Mirror

I walked past a mirror

‘Twas uncovered still And my dad was there staring back His face shining through, His round belly too, Though he died of a quick heart attack His smirky smile, His whitened goatee, His eyes, twinkling at me just so Imperceptibly winking at me, So only I could see, And for a moment the world was aglow I’ve acknowledged already His values I share His love of Israel, of Judaism and family, How he prioritized youth, Ain’t that the truth How he shared such a basic humanity How he made others feel special How his jokes made you cringe How he teased everyone like a fiend Until you smiled once you knew That he was playing with you - His humor ought to have been quarantined Oh I’ve tried to improve On many a thing Like my parenting and my emotional clarity And to temper the temper And multitask through the pain Though I still fall into sarcastic vulgarity No, I am not him Though he’s inside of me My life’s task is to balance, to define The beautiful things he bequeathed The challenging parts to decrease And to decide which treasures are mine One day with the grandkids I expect I’ll be like him Yes, Papa, I’d like to be called And like him I’ll roll on the ground Passing candy around ‘Til those lil tykes are totally enthralled But for now when I miss him When I wish he were here When the loss feels more painful and clearer I’ll just walk down the hall And forget I am Paul And just glance in the living room mirror.  

Explore more poetry about mourning Papa (my dad, Ken Kipnes). Watch my videos about mourning Enjoy more of my spoken word poetry