The Day After Shiva: Excruciatingly Difficult

Excruciatingly difficult That’s what I’d call it Just walking into a room today Excruciatingly difficult That’s how it felt... (What a ridiculous thing to say!) All I had to do To get in And out And make it through Was to

Drive the car Pass the time Park the car Inside the lines

Get out of the car Walk into the room Accept the hugs Push through the gloom And sometimes even to talk

Listen to others Control my fears Walk to my seat Deal with the tears And sometimes even to talk

Go back in the car And leave the place Figure out what to do next Find my next safe space And sometimes even to talk

In a world like we have With problems galore The death of my father Still counts, for sure Yet a long life he lived - So how silly it seems That this is excruciating - Doesn’t that sound so extreme? But yes, that was the truth And I felt like a freak On this first day of Shloshim After my dad’s Shiva week It was Excruciatingly Difficult (Then there were things I had to attend to Eat, take a nap - But, well, Yay, I did make it through! (One day down The rest of our lives Without him To go) *Shiva refers to the seven days immediately following the funeral when a mourner is surrounded by community **Shloshim refers to the 30 days after the funeral when a mourner slowly expands the place within the community

Explore more poetry about mourning Papa (my dad, Ken Kipnes). Watch my videos about mourning Enjoy more of my spoken word poetry